The Spin on Spin Class

Not to be undone by Ratchett the Wretched, I signed up and paid my dollar to reserve last Wednesday night's spin class. I was going to do it with my sister, but she had a last-minute corporate damage control meeting in LA and couldn't make it. So I put on my big girl panties, donned my workout gear and ventured boldly forth where even Ratchett would fear to tread.

Everyone had bottles of water with them. (DUH. Water would have probably been a good idea!) Fortunately, my sister had already shown me how to properly fit a bike and as people were already cycling, I followed suit.

Let me preface this by saying I am not out of shape. I walk or hike five miles a day, five times a week. I do weights. I thought I was doing okay fitness-wise. I was WRONG, people...this is me eating a heaping helping of a second slice of humble pie. A la mode.

In walked "Lee". Let me introduce you guys to "Lee". Lee has forgotten more about the infliction of pain than I have learned in all my years as a wife and mother. Think of "X-Men: Origins" to set the scene. The part where Logan is in the tank, getting ready to have adamantium fused to his skeleton. The doctor says, "If you have a good memory, try to take it with you when the pain starts. It might help."

"I've known pain," Logan says.
"No, you haven't," she replies.

Obviously, the doctor had been to spin class.

We started off at a decent pace, be-bopping to Jay-Z, and I'm thinking this isn't going to be so bad...then he says, "UP!" Everyone stands up while they are pedaling. I'm still trying to figure out how you do that without falling off the bike (while still strapped to the pedals. That would have topped the falling into a cactus while talking on my cell phone as a personal best for me.) This of course means I need to slow down. And then pedal faster to catch up. Hmmm...I used to be able to do this. So much for never forgetting.

So I stand up. And my left knee starts saying sitSitSItSITSITYOUBLOCKHEA

D!!! I ignore it. I center myself. No. I try meditation. Surely "ham-saa"ing it will work. No. Finally I just grip the handlebars, grit my teeth, and THAT is when Lee says, "Sit down!". THANKS, Lee....next time, feel free to say that about five seconds earlier.

I'll spare you the rest of the gory details, which largely consist of me trying to keep up while my very annoyed knee wonders (loudly) what the hell it did to piss me off so much. I finally give up on standing up. Sure, I'm the only one who does. But I console myself with the thought that I am still pedaling faster than quite a few of them. That as long as I don't stand up, I might just make it. I hold that thought for another 15 minutes. Then my knee asks if I would be interested in walking sometime soon. Ever. UGH. I hate being threatened. The irony of the whole thing is that I am PAYING for this. Because I OWE this to myself. WOW....remind me again what I was thinking when I signed up for this one?

So I guess the good news is I made it for about half of the hour-long class. I walked out on legs that felt like marble columns. Only the left one had water and jello in the middle. (Who put that there?).

Damn. Ratchett the Wretched wins AGAIN. Pilates class tomorrow. Pray for me.